bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
