i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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