dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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