how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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