Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
