3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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