I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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