I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
