we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
there's paper in my vomit.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
