Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
