woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
