Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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