this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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