just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
