mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think people are normalizing furries
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
