Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
