I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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