Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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