He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
