I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
