Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
