after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
