You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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