I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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