My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
