1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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