So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sext me about skeletons
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
