well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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