Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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