That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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