I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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