the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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