I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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