i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
