Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had to cum in my sink.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
