She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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