Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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