you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
