That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
