found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
