I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
