She went from zero to smokin in five shots
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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