hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
