my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
