i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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