I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
