I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
