I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
