Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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