I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
