Got a toothbrush?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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