I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
