I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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