obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
