Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
