the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
