I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
