Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You've changed since you got that strap on
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
