I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
