he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
