You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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