Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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