there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
