Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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