Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this just has baby written all over it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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